Forward
He included the bibliography, and these are actual sites
that contributed the factual information used to lend some air of verifiable
information, fictitious though it may be, as being part of his life. This fact
amused him as well and I do remember him having a great birthday present in the
opportunity to share this “joke” with us. (Home school children are special in
many ways! J)
He never got feedback from this paper and although he did get the A he deserved in the class (despite flunking the final he wasn’t supposed to take), he often wondered how the kid named Derek fared as a result of the mix-up. She never learned his real name.
This assignment includes:
- Letter of Reference
- Time Line
- Biographical Essay
- Defining Moment
Letter of
Recommendation- Jason B.
12-km,
Sheikhupura, Punjab , Pakistan
To Whom It May Concern,
Please accept
this letter of recommendation on behalf of Jason B. for the position of
livestock feed chemist with your organization.
His dedication to the concepts of chemistry and biology has allowed him
to excel among his peers and his concern for producing the highest quality
livestock feed puts him almost in a category by himself. I have had the pleasure of working with Mr.
Bell during his apprenticeship at Hee-Haw Feed Depot and have witnessed the
seriousness with which he devotes his experience, expertise and love of animals
in every batch of livestock feed he produced.
Thank you for your consideration in this matter,
Jedidiah Grable, Owner
Hee-Haw Feed Depot
Amish Agricultural Consultant
- - - - - - - - > 1993 Won the blue ribbon for the Suckling Pig and
Crawling Baby race at the county fair in a photo finish, making the front page
headline in the “Arkadelphia Siftings Herald” newspaper (serving Arkadelphia
and its surrounding towns, subscribers 21).
Celebrity status brought a surprising number of corn dog gifts from the
Hee-Haw Feed Depot employees throughout the following year.
- - - - - - - - > 1994 Graduated from crawling to climbing to
walking and running and was found in the hayloft of the Putnam farm, after
being missing for three days, with nothing but a red-and-white checkered table
cloth full of stored up corn dogs and a tippy-cup of apple juice. At this point it was discovered that my
unique laugh had the unusual feature of calling chickens from surrounding farms
in the manner of a baby-pied piper.
- - - - - - - - > 1995 Received the town award of heroism when, in
the aftermath of a freak blizzard, which caused the tragic loss of the town’s
chickens, I belly-laughed for ten straight hours calling chickens to flock into
the town from counties as far away as 23 and 1/4 miles, saving the town from
the certain doom of having to resort to vegetarian diets. Nominated for the office of mayor, but declined
due to the fact that mama believed this position would interfere with my
necessary daily naps.
- - - - - - - - > 1996 Started kindergarten half-days and began work
at the Hee-Haw Feed Depot in the afternoons to help earn money so that we could
carry on the family tradition of eating daily.
My first job consisted of crushing egg shells to add to the chicken feed
and I was promoted to stirring the mix because of my passion for seeing the job
done through to the end. Before the year
was out, my duties also consisted of putting the mix into burlap bags, which
brought me a seven cents per hour raise, obliging me to start my own bank
account to handle such large sums of money.
- - - - - - - - > 1997 Bought my first pair of shoes and wore them
on the right feet most days, causing many townspeople to believe that I was
gifted. Although I was unable to also
purchase socks, I purchased magic markers to color my ankles at a discount
price. Nominated as the town’s “best
dressed youngin’” I learned to walk through tall grass to hide my fake socks on
days that I chose not to wear shoes. At
work, I graduated to actually feeding chickens and only got into trouble once
when I tried to feed them molasses on Christmas, causing the disaster of nine
glued beaks until we recognized the practical use of these chickens for
Christmas dinner.
- - - - - - - - > 1998 Received my first “National Geographic”
magazine, featuring chickens in Pakistan . This began my lifelong dream of moving to Sheikhupura as a livestock feed chemist and I began drawing
diagrams of chicken family-trees in preparation. I was told at this time that it was predicted
at my birth that I would travel beyond the confines of my birthplace and
accomplish great deeds. This was
predicted because of my birthmark of a chicken head on the inside of my left
thigh.
- - - - - - - - > 1999 Lost my two front teeth within three days of
each other, one at work over feedbag at the Hee-Haw Feed Depot and the other
was probably swallowed in my sleep. At
that time my chicken-calling laugh developed a slight whistle, which also
caused several dogs to now respond to my laugh.
I outgrew my shoes, but since a dog fetched an old pair of boots to my
door on rainy day in August, I took it as a sign that I had a natural bond with
critters and accepted the gift with respect.
Just a couple sizes too big, I stuffed the toes with hay and no longer
needed magic markers to color my ankles.
- - - - - - - - > 2000 Began studying chemistry and biology, intent
on developing my special talent for mixing feed for animals. Although I learned to mix feed for cattle and
a special concoction of slop for pigs, chickens remained my purpose in
life. I was promoted to feed supervisor
at the Hee-Haw Feed Store when Jebidiah Grable, the store owner, opened a
second business in town selling Jesus figurines made out of recycled roof
tiles.
- - - - - - - - > 2001 Witnessed the laying of a new county road
which connected the town of Bald Knob
to the interstate freeway. A family trip
to the overpass bridge resulted in a black-and-white vision that lasted for ten
minutes in which I saw myself feeding chickens in foreign nations, gaining the
Pulitzer Prize and writing my autobiography during my retirement. I dropped to my knees and committed myself to
my overwhelming destiny. Then I ate an
egg salad sandwich in the back of the pick up, musing on the chicken forms I
saw in the clouds.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.> 2002 Began home schooling when my folks recognized
my destiny of greatness and I was given free reign on the subject matter, being
gifted and a good dresser. My first
self-appointed subjects were video games and Marvel Comics but since my mother
wasn’t sure how to test me on these subjects, I was exempt from finals. When I spilled syrup on my National
Geographic, I took it as a sign to improve my study habits and applied myself
to chemistry and biology into the wee hours of the night. I developed bags under my eyes, but since
this made me look older, I continued this pattern throughout the end of the
school year. Even still, I was denied my
driver’s license since I was still too young to drive.
- - - - - - - - > 2003 Moved out of Arkansas as a result of a freak cyclone that
took my house and all of my family’s belongings. The following day, under a clear sunny sky,
my National Geographic suddenly floated down as though on the very breath of
God, unharmed and still carrying the syrup stains. I laughed hysterically and inadvertently
called chickens to me from three counties.
However, since my front teeth had grown back and the whistle was gone,
no dogs accompanied them. My family
resettled in the Detroit
area (in a city called Warren )
since we had distant relations living there and it is at this time that I began
my studies of urban critters.
- - - - - - - - > 2004 Homesick for Arkansas and disappointed by the depressing
absence of chickens, I began to take trips to Petting Farms provided to city
kids. No longer able to gain
appreciation for my exquisite dressing habits I gained my second pair of
purchased shoes and no longer found myself standing out like an un-tanned
behind in a locker room. Introduced to
the Internet, I began to do research into the subject of both Pakistan and
chicken feed.
- - - - - - - - > 2005 Discovered Hot Pockets and cable
television.
- - - - - - - - > 2006 Began formal education again at Lincoln High School in Warren .
Although it was my mission to learn how to blend and to learn in an
urban atmosphere, it was quite surprising to me that so many people could fit
into one school and not eat each other in the strict survival pattern of
chicken living. Comparisons between
people and chickens became enhanced in my body of knowledge and I built an
impressive chicken replica out of Lego blocks bought at a garage sale. At this time I also noticed that pigeons and
opossums would gather around me when I laughed and I was thoughtful about this
freaky coincidence over the holidays. I
determined that I might yet have many hidden talents and experimented with
reproducing the sound of flatulence among many species with some success.
- - - - - - - - >
Essay – Jason B.
My oldest
sister lives on a farm in Butler ,
Indiana and raises chickens as
well as being a massage therapist. She
has three children and is pregnant with twins which are due this summer. I like being called “uncle” much more than
hollering “uncle” when I wrestle with my uncle James who is now serving in Iraq . I miss him and look forward to the day he
returns home. He bought me an X-Box 360
while he was home on leave and I am practicing the game “Call of Duty” to play
with him when he gets back. He is very
good and I have to get better before I can beat him. He told me that he wanted me to improve my
talents because I have a natural gift for video games.
My other
sister just graduated from Lincoln
High School with a 4.0
GPA and I am very proud of her. She
helped me with my math, waking up in the morning for school and learning how to
clean out chicken coops quickly so we could have more time for leisure on the
farm. While I was being home schooled,
she was my best friend even though she does not like to play video games. She does not like taking care of chickens,
but I forgive her because she cooks them very well, nevertheless. She will be coming to live on the farm with
me this summer, to help take care of the children while I help to take care of
the chickens.
I do not
have a real brother, but I have adopted my best friend Adam as the brother I
wish I always had. He does not know much
about chickens, but he does like to play video games and eat chicken. I also have a good friend named Hunter who
plays video games too, but he does not stay at my house to eat because his
parents usually pick him up around dinner time.
Hunter does laugh a little bit like a chicken, but not as well as I do
and pigeons tend to ignore him. I
consider them both to be a part of my social family and I hope to be able to
stay in touch with them after I move.
Probably my
best talent is having a sense of humor and no matter what profession I end up
having as an adult, there will always be room for laughter. No matter how hard life may be, being able to
laugh at myself, and to laugh at others without getting punched in the face,
are assets that most civilized people can appreciate. Home school has taught me that I am my own
first teacher and no matter what subject I am interested in, I know that my
knowledge can be increased by studying, researching and seeking information by
talking to others. This helps to define
me because I do not feel limited by what others know, rather I am limited only
by the questions I ask and my ability to find the answers.
Defining Moment –
Jason B.
All of the
other moments that have occurred in my life rest upon the defining moment of my
birth. Each event after that may have
impacted my thinking, my personality and the development of my character
traits, but I maintain without my birth they would hold little significance by
comparison. I do not dwell on this fact,
but in the moment that I first drew breath, I became not only a citizen of the
United States of America, but I also became a dependent of my parents and have
been claimed on their taxes ever since.
Today is my birthday, and it is the one day of the year which allows my
mother the chance to describe this moment and to give me presents for having to
listen to it all over again.
NOTE TO MS. [NameRemoved]:
Because I have
not lived long enough to find the way to make my actual autobiography as
interesting as I would’ve liked it to be, I have used poetic license to make
this assignment more interesting to me.
Since it is a parenting class, it is my belief that the importance of the
delivery completely outweighs the need to maintain a close tie to actual
facts. Below is a list of references
which helped make the completion of this assignment possible. Thank you for understanding and I hope you
enjoyed my final project. If not, and my
grade is lowered because of it, just know this much- I will still really be
feeding chickens this summer on my sister’s farm in Indiana, which helped to
inspire this slight bending of facts for entertainment purposes. My whole family contributed ideas to this
project as part of my birthday present and if I flunk this assignment, they
have to buy me a new X-box game to help make it up to me, so I win either
way. Thank you,
Jason B.
Arkadelphia Sifter Herald, Daily Earth Homepage, http://www.dailyearth.com/USNews/arkansas.html. Retrieved
on May 28, 2007 from the World Wide Web.
Bald Knob, Arkansas
homepage, http://www.city-data.com/city/Bald-Knob-Arkansas.html,
Retrieved on May 28, 2007
from the World Wide Web.
Cherished Group homepage, http://www.cherishedgroup.com.pk/index.html,
Retrieved on May 28, 2007
from the World Wide Web.
Home school student starts high school and uses humor to solve a problem with his teacher and the final assignment in a parenting class. Very humorous. It will make you laugh out loud...I promise!
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